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Why Do We Turn Away From Love When We Need It The Most?

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Back in early December, I was reflecting in my journal about how I had been obsessing over something that I wanted, and in my frustration of not having it I found myself turning away from the most powerful thing I have – LOVE. 

The day before, I was sitting in the car with my husband and I felt like a pressure cooker just waiting to explode. I was frustrated that this thing I wanted so badly seemed to be taking forever to come. That frustration was turning into anger because I was doing ALL the things and it still felt so far away. 

I felt like I was failing. I felt like a failure. 

And in that feeling, I didn’t want to let anything else in because I didn’t believe that anything else was possible in that moment. 

As I sat there, I wanted to take it all out on him. Poor guy, just sitting there singing Christmas music and I was about to release the valve on the pressure cooker. 

Thank goodness I didn’t because he wouldn’t have known what hit him. 

Instead, I just let his good mood take the lead and throughout the day when he was loving, I let it in. As the day went on, my frustration faded and my anger was defused. 

The next day, back in my journal, I explored why love is always the thing so many of us turn away from when it is the thing we need the most. 

I want to share with you a little piece of what I wrote in my journal because when I finished writing, I felt a wave of emotions come over me. I wanted to cry because I felt like I had just figured out something really important about life. It wasn’t tears of sadness, it was tears of pure joy at how simplistic it could be, if I, we, perhaps you, didn’t make it so complicated.

Here is what I wrote and I hope you will contemplate what it means to you. 

I began with this question: Why is love the thing we turn away from when we are stressed, scared, anxious, frustrated, angry, or sad? 

I sat there for a moment and just let myself free-write. This is what came through. 

Because the thought of not receiving it, on top of what you are already experiencing is just too much to bare. Your mind says, “I’m anxious, scared, stressed, angry, frustrated, or sad, but at least I’m not going to risk being abandoned, unloved or unsupported.” 

Even though it is the one thing that will support us, we just can’t stand even thinking about it, so we close off our hearts. 

It is often why we get so angry at the people who love us the most. It is easier, even though it truly isn’t, to keep them at arms length. We think that our “negative” emotions will make us unloveable. Perhaps they will see that we are unworthy and leave us. 

LOVE is the one thing we all want and the one thing we all need that we don’t ask for because we think, “what if I don’t get it?” 

So we ask for everything else, but feel an intense void because it is love that makes us enjoy those other things so much more. 

Even though all the other external things might be nice, what we really wanted, what we really needed, what we were really afraid to ask for was LOVE. To feel love, give love, and receive love. All unconditionally. Even when we are not being our best.” 

You can tell me this is so woo-woo, or I have my head in the clouds. But I’ll tell you this, you know deep down, right in the core of your heart that love truly is the most powerful and magical resource that we have. 

I say this because I felt it so deeply that it inspired me to not just write it, but to share it. Sharing it even though you may roll your eyes and think, “oh, she’s gone off the rails.” 

I’m okay with that. I’m actually perfectly fine if I have gone off the rails, or I am totally woo-woo, head the sky, pollyanna mindset if it means I will forever have this feeling that I had after I wrote that in my journal. 

Simply read it again and explore for yourself what love means to you and why you turn away from it when you need it the most if this is something that you do. 

My practice moving forward has been to break the habit of turning away from love, especially when I’m not at my best. 

Trusting that I will receive it when I ask, or even when I don’t ask. That I will be supported, that is safe to fully open my heart and trusting that is okay to let someone else’s love take the lead when I am not feeling it myself.

I’m still in the practice, but I have to tell you, it feels so much better to let the love in. And to not turn away from it when I am angry and sad provides me with comfort and reminds me that I am safe.

In these times of divisiveness, I think we could all use a massive dose of love. Love comes in all forms. 

Kindness. 
Respect (even when we disagree).  
Compassion. 
Empathy (even when it is not our experience). 
Staying open minded to someone else’s ideas or beliefs. Listening to them to understand, not to always agree. 

When it feels like love is the last thing you want to turn to, make it the first.

All love, 

Laurie-ann 

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© 2014 Contagiously Positive
All rights reserved
Website by Monolith Digital