Some people won’t be your people. It’s not that there is anything wrong with them, or you, your personalities just don’t align. They will be someone else’s people. You also won’t be everyone’s person. It’s not that there is anything wrong with you, or then, your personalities just don’t align. Once you really accept this without feeling unworthy, rejected, or judgmental of them, or yourself, you can align yourself with those who are your people.
On the last day of my digital coaching course, UNLEASH, I talk about the importance of having a supportive tribe. A tribe a friends and family who love you, support you, cheer for you, raise you up, have meaningful conversations with, and never judge you. And also friends who you can grow together with and create really amazing lives with. I share the email from the course with you below (a little insider treat), but I want to tell you why I wanted to share this with you today.
A few months back, I had to cancel my weekly girls night because I just wasn’t feeling like myself. The next day I felt so bad for disappointing my friend so I sent her an apology. No excuses, just a pure, “I’m sorry for disappointing you” message. Instantly she said, “I was disappointed that I didn’t get to see you, but I was never disappointed in you.” What followed was a lot of love, kindness, and can’t wait for next week sentimental gooey goodness. That is the type of friendship I am talking about. No judgement, just love. No judgement, just understanding that sometimes we need to say no and take care of ourselves. I felt so loved and supported.
Here’s the most important part: I choose to have those types of friendships. I just don’t have the energy to have any other type of people in life. Who wants to be judged and feel like they are walking on eggshells all the time, unable to have honest conversations? Not me. Another really important piece to this is that I give this same love right back to my friends. If it is something I want, I better damn be willing to give it right back.
I was chatting with a woman one day about this and we were talking about how much women take on, do, hold in, or judge each other for, or themselves for, all because they don’t want to look imperfect. We fear being judged so much that we would rather suffer. I want that to change. I want women to have friends like mine, who can say, “I’m disappointed I couldn’t see you, but I was never disappointed in you.” Having people in your life like this is essential. Necessary for your survival essential!
Friendship (love) has no conditions.
So let me share the coaching email that gets sent out in week 9, Day 62 of UNLEASH to help you grow and cultivate relationships like this. And to ensure that you have a beautiful tribe of human beings in your life that you cannot imagine being without.
FIND YOUR TRIBE & LOVE THEM HARD
It is so important not go through this life alone. When you have a strong connection, with even just one person, it lowers anxiety and depression, makes you healthier, happier, and even increases your energy. The more isolated you make yourself, especially during difficult times; the worse you are going to feel emotionally, spiritually and physically.
If you have found yourself feeling this way, today I challenge you to reach out, connect and allow that love to support you, and lift you up. Having an accountability partner, a partner in crime, a supporter, a cheerleader – just someone who can give you that nudge you need makes all the difference.
Once you find these people, sit down, get your calendars out and schedule your tribe gatherings. Commit to it and make it a non-negotiable. I promise you, this will be one of the best things you do. When shit happens, when life happens, and it will, knowing that you have this date coming up will give you a sense that even though things are not good, you know it will be okay because you have a tribe in your corner.
Humans are not meant to be alone. We need to connect. We need to have conversations that matter. We need to feel like we are not alone. We need to feel loved and supported and also give love and support.
In today’s technology world, we think connecting is being online and commenting on someone’s Facebook post. Yes, that is fun, and I’m so grateful to have this, but the connection that I’m talking about, is being beside someone and looking eye to eye. If you are a hugger, even better!
Community and connection is a very important part of unleashing your inner contagiously positive. Who our tribe is, who is there to support us, lift us, celebrate with us, bring us joy, help us through difficult times, can be something that lifts us up like nothing else can. We are like pack animals – better as a group. However, if we don’t choose our tribe wisely, if we are only around negative people, if we don’t have healthy boundaries those people can take us down. Pay attention to the energy you feel with those you spend the most time with.
You become most like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most, so creating and honoring your tribe will help you have people in your life who lift you up. All those energy vampires may still be a part of your life in some way, but they won’t fill up the majority of your life because you will be able to set healthy boundaries.
Who is (or are) those people that you want to gather and have as a part of your contagiously positive tribe? Think about the people that you want to have in your life if you don’t currently have a tribe, or you want to enhance the relationships that you have.
What is your ideal relationship like?
How do you want to feel when you are with them?
What kind of things would you like to do together?
The next step is simple. Start scheduling in tribe time into your calendar. Take aligned action – make it happen! Lastly, once you find your tribe, create your tribe, and love them hard!
Laurie-ann Sheldrick, The Contagiously Positive Girl