I have been doing a deep dive into the manifestation coaching industry for the Sisterhood podcast (listen to episode 53 for the full episode), and some of the harmful things that are taught. If you are feeling like no matter what manifestation practice you try, what you desire never comes, or you feel unworthy, you are not alone.
This isn’t a conversation about spirituality. I am very spiritual. I love most things in the woo-woo realm. But not when someone turns it around and the teachings cause harm. So again, this isn’t about spirituality, this is about the industry – man made. And that is different.
Below I am breaking down two statements often made in the manifestation coaching industry that, when not given any context, can make you feel like you can never master. And there is a reason for that. We are thinking/feeling human beings. Some will be positive and some will be negative. We will always, until death do us part, live with this contrast because we will always have something in our life to respond to.
These are two red flags to watch out for.
Red Flag 1: Your Mindset Is The Problem
Some manifestation coaches will say, “you manifest with every single thought you think.” They claim that if your manifestations are not coming, it must just be your mindset. They will make the promise that if you just change your mindset, you can manifest everything you want. Or, if you just think about it, you will receive it.
Can you imagine if every single thought you ever thought actually happened?! I have some exes that would have met with an unfortunate fate.
If you tell them all the things you are doing, no matter how much mindset work you do, or have done, they will often come back and say, you must still have unconscious thoughts preventing your manifestations from coming. Isn’t that convenient that they can now use your unconscious thoughts to take responsibility away from their promise.
This statement lacks so much context and can be very harmful when someone so desperately wants to manifest something for themselves, or for their family. Especially when it is a basic need.
If you are trying to manically control every single thought you think, because you are afraid that if you think something negative it is going to happen, I hope this frees you from that belief.
I believed this new age rhetoric when I started my law of attraction journey and all this belief did was make me feel like I was going mad hatter mad. It made me constantly feel like a failure, or that I would never manifest anything. It made me bypass my emotions, getting caught in toxic positivity, feeling like a pressure cooker wanting to explode.
When I stopped believing this, I realized something important that freed me from the mad hatter madness that I was feeling from constantly trying to only think positive.
I am a human being who is always thinking. I am a human being with feelings and emotions. Some feel good and some don’t feel good. I don’t want to take up permanent residence in the ones that don’t feel good, but I’m not doing anything wrong, nor am I pushing away my manifestations because of it.
Instead of trying to control every single thought that came into my mind throughout the day, I started to pay attention to what mattered most, which were the patterns. The patterns of thoughts that invoked a deep emotional response. The ones that affected my actions, my reactions, my responses, my behaviour, my mental and emotional state, and my beliefs. These are the thoughts that matter and I let all the other thoughts just pass by. They were simply just in-the-moment thoughts.
Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it will come true. Just because you have negative thoughts, or emotions, doesn’t mean you will push your manifestations away. I cannot, will not believe that we are born with these emotions simply to be punished by the law of attraction when we feel them.
If you want to use the law of attraction to support you, I think that is wonderful. Anything that brings you peace, keep those practices. But the harm comes when we bypass our emotions out of fear that we are pushing away our desires. You are not a robot. You are a thinking/feeling human being.
Feel your feelings AND support them with healthy practices that can truly help you to take action, make decisions, and have reactions, responses and behaviours that feel good to you.
When you are thinking or feeling in a way that doesn’t feel good, please remember, you are not doing anything wrong. It is normal to not think or feel happy all the time.
Red Flag 2: Simply Match The Frequency of What You Want
Some (not all) manifestation coaches are using our emotions against us. Especially in the way they market their programs and courses. They speak as though we are being punished for feeling anything out of joy. But they don’t call it emotions. They call it being a vibrational match, or being at the right frequency.
If you are a vibrational match to the thing you wanted, it will come. That is the promise made. But if you don’t reach that vibrational frequency – the frequency they never say what it actually is or how to achieve it, the thing you want can’t come to you. And it isn’t because their technique didn’t work, it is because you had a negative emotion.
Without giving it any context, it can feel to someone like they are saying, had you just not spent the past month grieving a loss, maybe your manifestation would have come because you would have been a vibrational match. Or, if you weren’t sad, the money wouldn’t have run from you. So just keep getting yourself to a higher frequency, match the frequency of that money you want, and it will come.
This can be so harmful to someone’s mental and emotional health, especially if they are struggling to even meet their basic needs. We don’t stay in one emotional state 24/7. We are not robots.
I have achieved goals in sadness and I have achieved goals in joy. Not out of magic, but out of the actions I take. I don’t want to take up permanent residence in sadness, but I refuse to believe that I am being punished by the universe for feeling sad and the universe is going to take something I want away from me, or keep it at arms reach until I’m no longer sad.
We support our mental and emotional health so that our emotions and beliefs don’t keep us from taking action, or making decisions that will help us achieve our goals.
My husband and I just built a house. It was a big goal. We had days when we were overwhelmed, but the work still continued. The trades didn’t disappear because we were no longer a vibrational match. The house didn’t leave us. We still achieved our goal.
That frequency statement feels like a bypass to me. We need to learn coping mechanism to help us through our difficult emotions, not avoid them.
What is the frequency to what they are promising we can manifest? Do they even know? And how? Did they set up machines that rate the frequency of you and the frequency of the physical object you want? What is the frequency match for a Ferrari? What is the frequency match for the money one needs to have their basic needs met?
It is so important that we ask ourselves these questions because I see so many people manically trying to manifest and feeling like failures, or panicking when they have a very real, very normal emotion that they may have just needed support getting through, but didn’t because they were too afraid to feel or reach out.
I know this doesn’t feel like a positive conversation, but it is necessary. There are so many beautiful teachers and coaches out there. Talking about difficult things turns into something wonderful when we can discern which teachers are there to support us and which ones mean us harm. So I will continue to explore this topic so that you don’t get duped by teachings that make you more confused and lost than when you even began.