The messy/magical middle…
This is an uncomfortable phase we enter when we commit to learning something new, take on a passion project, or work towards a goal or mission.
It might begin with you not even knowing what you don’t know and then you do know what you don’t know, which can bring up even more frustration because you want it ALL to happen right now.
There is this space between where you are and where you want to be, and sometimes that space feels like a gap as big as trying to figure out how to cross the Grand Canyon.
This is a very normal space to be in, and there is a lot of magic that happens here, and it is also where a lot of impatience, frustration, and discomfort comes in. That is why it is a messy and magical middle. It is both.
I’m in a messy/magical middle right now. I’m having meaningful conversations over at the Sisterhood Podcast about things that are out of my wheelhouse of expertise. It feels so magical to learn from these incredible women, doing incredible work. I’m talking to experts who work in cultural diversity, gender equality, ethical marketing and branding, and even the dark side of the online business world. The messy/magical part is that I’m learning so much, and it has been a huge wake up call about all the things I didn’t even know I didn’t know. It causes me to ask uncomfortable questions, which means having to show them how little I know about the topics they are experts in – messy AND magical.
When I started Sisterhood, I made a promise to myself that I would have conversations that really mattered. I knew that some might rock the boat, may create ripples, and would take me and the listeners down a deep rabbit hole, talking about all the things we really need to be talking about without judgement or shame. Even if it makes me and you uncomfortable. As a people pleasing feeling libra, who just wants everyone to like me and get along, rocking the boat isn’t my strongest asset, but balance is. Which means, I am very open to hearing ALL sides, including differing opinions, perspectives, and beliefs. By focusing on my strengths, i’m naturally also working through and strengthening my weaknesses. Again, messy and magical.
In this messy/magical middle, I have been consistently reminded of how much I have to learn, how much I wished I would have already known, and how much I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. Even though I know this is a natural phase of learning, and getting from where I am to where I want to be, I still get frustrated, think about giving up, and get very impatient with myself and the process.
But I really, really, really, want this, so I am sticking to it. I talk about this in my Heart Centered Goals & Limiting Beliefs Workshop – when our hearts are connected to the thing that we want, or what we know is right (even when it isn’t easy), or what we want to learn, we are willing to go through the uncomfortable phases, including fear, which includes all the messy middles. When it isn’t aligned, we will probably give up because it isn’t worth it to us to stay in the messy middle that causes us temporary emotional discomfort.
This isn’t because we are quitters, or not smart enough, worthy enough, or unable to learn something new. There is nothing wrong with you! Sometimes it is because we never actually really wanted it, we just thought we did, or thought we should. In this instance, letting it go is the best thing we can do for ourselves because it leaves us time, space and energy for what we really do want and what is most important to us because it is lays so deeply in hearts. And sometimes it is because the messy middle causes us so much emotional discomfort and we forget that it is temporary. And it is temporary.
Ask yourself what category you fit into. Is it important to you based on your values, mission, purpose or beliefs? Does it align with your hearts desires?
This will help you make the decision to stay in the messy/magical middle, or let it go and enter into a new messy/magical middle with something that actually does align with your heart.
I had the most incredible conversation for the podcast the other day with a woman named Alice Karolina. At the end of our conversation, I asked her, “what is one place we can start to make small changes in our life?” She inspired this weeks share when she said, “look at what your gaps are in your business and life and how you are filling them. Are you filling them with the correct things? Things that align with your values, mission, purpose, and support your long term mental and emotional health. If not, slowly begin to think about how you can fill these gaps with things that are more supportive.”
Think of all the things that you don’t have, haven’t achieved yet, or still have to learn…things that feel like gaps in your life and/or business, mission or purpose. These gaps are the middle between where you are and where you want to be. Theses gaps are the messy/magical middle. This space isn’t a bad place to be in. Think of it like being in a waiting room. While you are in this waiting room you may get impatient, you may even think, while I’m waiting there you are going to be late for other things, or think you don’t have time and FOMO creeps in. In that impatience is when we often look for the temporary, quick fixes because we want to fill that gap and stop feeling all the discomfort it creates in us.
There are going to be challenges while you are in this waiting room.
You are going to come across obstacles while you are in this waiting room.
You are going to have things to learn while you are in this waiting room.
You are sometimes going to be uncomfortable while you are in this waiting room.
You are going to mess up sometimes while you are in this waiting room.
There are going to be things you didn’t know you didn’t know while you are in this waiting room.
In this space is where you are also going to learn, grow, evolve, align with your heart, get clear about your values, purpose and mission, strengthen your inner guidance system, and connect with yourself at such a deep level.
While you are there, waiting for all this magic, the best thing you can do is to practice not filling these gaps of time with things that make this space a place of darkness. Allow yourself space to make mistakes and be perfectly imperfect. If you are filling it with things that don’t support your long game, what could you fill it with that would make the space seem shorter, more manageable, and even enjoyable? Things that strengthen your mental, emotional, attitudinal, spiritual and physical muscles. And also things that align with your values, purpose, mission and heart.