Do you ever find yourself saying saying this?
“I’m always giving, but never receiving. What gives?”
“I do everything and get nothing back.”
“I am always the giver, but never the receiver.”
“Why do I even bother if I never get thanked or he/she doesn’t give in return?”
“I buy gifts for him/her, but he/she never buys them for me.”
“I do his/her laundry and he/she never does mine.”
“If I do this, maybe they will get the hint and do it for me.”
I have learned that there is a major difference in energy in giving from a place of not wanting anything in return, where you just naturally want to do/say something nice, versus because you want something in return.
How can a relationship thrive when there are such hard line expectations? Expectations can lead to so much disappointment, especially when we think that it should always be 50/50 or tick for tack.
There are things that my husband does for me because he knows I don’t like doing them. He will get gas for me, more because he’s afraid I’ll end up on the side of the road because I’m always on empty, but he does it and I appreciate it so much. He will check the oil in my car, or fill up my windshield fluid. He will often say, “this is how I show my love.”
I will bring him coffee in bed because he is a slower riser and likes to chill in bed reading the news. I will stock his favourite snacks because I know he doesn’t like meal prepping and he’s always rushing out the door needing something to eat.
Both of us do these things expecting nothing in return. I express my sincerest of thanks, because I am thankful for it. He accepts my appreciation and doesn’t want anything in return and vice versa.
I would be greatly let down if he expected me to run out in that moment and try to “repay” him. The kind gesture would be lost in expectation. But I do end up just naturally wanting to do something in kind because he doesn’t expect anything in return.
A kind gesture is best received and appreciated when it is done because it feels good. It feels good knowing that you have made someone else happy and when the deed is done and the thanks are expressed, you move on. You don’t sit around impatiently waiting for the gesture to be return. The light isn’t found at the end of the repay-all-my-kindness tunnel. What you will find there is resentment.
Here’s what does happen though. You actually do get it back in kind, because kindness, without expectation, is contagious.
When you do something, with zero agenda attached, it will come back to you. I promise. It will come back, because it is the natural law of the universe. What you put out, you will get back and you can’t fake out the universe because the universe can sense your energy. Meaning, it isn’t what you do or say that matters, it is how you feel when you do or say it.
But remember this, it won’t come in the way you always think you want it. It will come in the natural way someone wants to give it. The way I show my love is not the way my husband shows his. So it is definitely worth while noticing how someone likes to express their love to you.
The next time you are about to do something, check the energy behind what you are doing. If it is because you want something back in return and will be really pissed off if you don’t get it, give yourself a little check-in. “Why am I feeling this way? “Am I not feeling supported and need to communicate that?” Resentment doesn’t come out of thin air. If you are feeling like you are always giving and never receiving, it may be because 1, you are giving too much to people who don’t appreciate you. Or 2, you are giving too much and not allowing yourself to be supported or to ask for support.
If you are giving simply because you want to make someone else feel good, and really want nothing in return but them to feel good, that is energy that the universe and those around you will respond to in a such a positive and loving way.
Everyone benefits when we give and receive with no strings attached.