Are you leaving space in your life for rest, for things you love, or to say yes to fun opportunities that come up at the last minute? If you opened up your calendar right now, is there space in there for YOU?
I had to start practicing saying no because I had every weekend booked, every evening had a networking event, every minute of the day was planned, organized and scheduled with me either sitting at my desk or with clients. This left no time for creativity, and no time to say yes to last minute things that come up. It always left no time to just rest and do nothing. Which is so freaking blissful!
Saying no isn’t stomping your feet and telling everyone to go take a hike. It can simply be taking pause and doing two things:
1. Asking yourself if you actually want to do it?
2. Looking at your calendar and seeing if you even time for it. Is it going to make you stressed out or blissed out if you say yes?
I am such a people pleaser. I love everyone to be happy and if I’m being totally honest, I like it when I’m liked, and I like it when I’m chosen.
But…and this is a big but, I have learned to honour the part of me that likes to make people around me happy, while also giving myself permission to say no when I want and/or need to say no. I do this unapologetically towards myself, with the twinge of guilt that I know will pass because when I do say no, I do so from a loving place.
Do you ever feel just drained from saying yes all the time even though your gut was telling you to say no? Do you ever think, I would have much preferred to stay in my comfy clothes, with unwashed hair and binge watch Netflix? Do you ever think: I just don’t have any time (space) in my life to do that project, or write that book, or cook that meal, or take that class?
Saying yes all the time just to avoid potential conflict or hurting someone’s feelings is in fact draining – soul draining, mind draining and physically draining. It also doesn’t allow you the space to do those things you keep putting off.
Here is a real example of a friend that I’ll use to drive this home.
Did you just say yes to something that you don’t have the energy for because you are getting off a 14-hour night shift and won’t be able to sleep before you meet, and you wanted to say no, but you haven’t seen that person in a while and you feel guilty? So now you are saying yes and by the time you get home you will have been awake for 30 hours and only have one day off to rest. But that day is filled with errands, groceries, chores, etc. But you didn’t even get any of that done because you just slept the entire day away. Had you said no, I can’t today, but let’s schedule it for this day that I have off, imagine the difference, energetically, in how you show up.
My friend did this and was exhausted, grumpy and wished she had just said no, not tonight. But she was so afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings that she sacrificed her own wellbeing.
Let’s begin the practice of strengthening your making space muscles.
First thing, look at your calendar. Is there space in it for YOU?
What do you want to say no to this week because of lack of time, or you really just don’t want to do it?
If you do get asked to do something, take pause and really check in with yourself. Is this something I want to say yes to? If your inner guide is saying, NOPE…Give yourself permission to say no with love, with or without guilt. If the guilt comes, that is normal for us people pleasers, and I promise it will pass.
Whatever decision we make is on us. What we say yes to, what we say no to, what we make space for. Are you in the drivers seat of your life, making choices to enjoy the journey? If the answer is no, that is okay because today you get to make different choices. Today you get to make space for YOU.