Today, I wanted to talk about love, but not romantic love, even though this is also true for romantic love. I want to talk about friendships.
I am so incredibly blessed with amazing friends. Friends who have seen me at my worst and my best, but they love me just the same either way. I spend a lot of time talking about this in my digital training, Creating & Living a Life You Love. I had to really go within during this topic because I wanted to convey, with absolute conviction and passion, what I feel and believe deep inside.
Here is what I found.
My beautiful tribe is my tribe because we don’t put conditions on our friendships. I put no conditions on them and they don’t put any on me. They don’t have to be like me, speak like me, like the same things as me. We can be total opposites, which I love because it spices up life, but what we must have is mutual respect, kindness, and love.
You either have to accept each other, as is, or you don’t. And if you don’t, which is okay by the way, it just means that right now you are not in the same place, meeting each others values, wants or needs. Sometimes you grow apart, sometimes you grow together and sometimes the seasons change and you do both depending on where you are in your lives. All is normal and a part of life.
Why is this so important when it comes to creating your ideal vision for your friendships? Your friendships will have a massive impact on creating and living a life you love. PERIOD! Your tribe should be the people who want you to be happy and succeed the most, even if they are not in the best place in their lives.
I have been there where I felt like conditions were put on the friendship. Where I felt like they only seemed to love me when I was doing, being, saying, acting in the exact way they wanted. I couldn’t be too happy, too bubbly, too successful, or too me. When I was in a bad place, they were always there. When I was being my authentic, contagiously positive girl self, crickets.
The past couple of months I have been spending time with the most fabulous of friends who embrace every single part of me and me them. Friends who I want nothing more from them other than to be in their presence and I relish in watching them succeed in life and I would turn over mountains if they were struggling. I also have friendships in my life where distance doesn’t separate us at all. It actually strengthens our bond because we know that real love, real friendship has no barrier – knows no distance.
So it got me thinking about love and I think this is a really great lesson for all of us.
If you have chosen to have someone in your life, it should not come with any conditions. Love has no conditions.
If it comes with a list of conditions, like, I will love you if you act, say, do and be perfect, and only the way I want, it isn’t love. If you say, I will love you if you give me what I need, it isn’t love. Attachment to someone can sometimes feel like love, but love is loving someone, seeing them, and respecting them for who they are. Attachment is when we become solely focused on only getting our needs met.
Love should bring out the best in both of you.
Love should make you feel strong, courageous and powerful.
Love holds us up when we cannot stand.
Love connects us.
Love is perfectly imperfect.
Love has no conditions.
“Love is what happens and what helps us accept our lives, and other people just as we are.”
Frank Ostaseski, The Five Invitations
Think about your current tribe.
Are you hanging on to a toxic relationship because you are afraid to let go?
Do they support you?
Do they want you to succeed and be happy, no matter what?
Do they love you at your worst and your best?
Can you be yourself around them?
Do they enhance your life in ways you could never have even imagined that friends could?
If the answer is yes, I am so happy for you! You better send them a note right now for being so fabulous!
If the answer is no, think about what has to change.
What do you want it to be like and feel like? Can you have that with you current tribe, or do you need to create a new one?
Do you need to reevaluate the friendship?
Do you need to communicate your needs?
Do you want to continue working on the relationship or is it time to let go?
You become most like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. So creating the vision of what you want will help you have people in your life who lift you up. It will also help you communicate to them what you need. Remember, people don’t know what they don’t know. It is up to us to tell them.
Community and connection is a very important part of creating and living a life that we love. Who our tribe is, who is there to support us, laugh with us, cry with us, bring us joy, help us through difficult times, and celebrate the wins, can be something that lifts us up like nothing else can. Especially when we don’t put conditions on love and accept each other and show up for one another just as we are.