In all my shares about fear, I talk about not avoiding fear because we need that natural response for when we are in true danger, and instead, looking at where our fears have turned into panic. You can read about fear and panic here.
I spend almost 2 hours in the fear module of my online workshop UNLEASH Your Limiting Beliefs because when we allow fear, that isn’t a true dangerous situation, to make our decisions for us, we are programming our brain to be afraid and panic in situations that we don’t need our fear response (fight, flight or freeze) for.
We begin to make decisions, or not make decisions based on False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR). When that becomes so deeply engrained into our subconscious mind, we don’t even stop to question the fear response becomes it is a programmed, habitual response.
One thing I often make appear real is my fear of being judged and disliked for just being myself. I have to stop myself and question this because what the heck is wrong with being my self? NOTHING! That is why my mantra is and always will be: “I am good enough, have always been good enough and will always be good enough.”
This is what I LOVE about the brain! We, YOU can change the programming! It may take time, but it is possible. I used to become paralyzed by the idea of public speaking. Now, I still get nervous, but it is one of my favorite things to do. My personality didn’t change, my beliefs and programs about public speaking changed. I switched from, this is going to kill me if I fail, to, this isn’t life or death, I will get better each time I go on stage.
If fear is holding you back from being, doing and having what you desire, you can program your brain to work for you, instead of against you. You can unlearn old habitual patterns and beliefs. This isn’t about changing YOU. You don’t need to be changed. It is about changing the beliefs that have been holding you back from remembering who you already are.
COVID-19 really made me look at fear, and has also has reminded me of all I have learned about recognizing fear, working with fear, and overcoming false fear. It also showed me how much unlearning we need to do based on what the external world has conditioned us to believe.
What Fear Can Sound Like:
“Don’t follow your dreams, you will probably fail, so choose safe and secure. Failure is bad.”
“You better not trust in love, you may experience loss. Emotional discomfort is bad.”
Don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it. Or you will lose it so why bother. Losing is bad.
“That sounds way too much out of your comfort zone, you better say no and stay with the familiar. More emotional discomfort, alert, alert!”
“Don’t ask for help, that makes you look weak and incapable. Vulnerability is bad. Being perceived as perfect is much safer.”
You might not want to do that, what if you get hurt?”
“Do you really want to go after that job and leave the security of what you have, what if you regret it?”
“Are you sure about calling it quits on that toxic relationship, what if you end up alone?”
“Don’t turn left because it looks scary, uncomfortable and different over there. If I were you, I would avoid it.”
These thoughts are not real. They are thoughts to an outcome that has not happened. It only exists if you allow it to exist. They are False Evidence Appearing Real.
Like any limiting belief, we don’t want fear to be our decision maker unless we are actually in danger. So we have to program our brain to know the difference if you have been conditioned.
Being afraid of being alone does not make you alone. Being afraid of failing does not mean you will fail. Being afraid of change does not mean the change will not enhance your life. Being afraid of making the wrong choice does not make the choice wrong. Being afraid of not finding another job does not mean you will be unemployed for the rest of your life. Being afraid of never finding another life partner does not mean you never will or that you should stay in an unhappy or toxic relationship. Being afraid that you will never get out of debt doesn’t mean we will be poor forever.
In fact, these fears are what is causing you to be stuck there.
I encourage you to simply just look at your fears. What are you choosing to do or not to do because you feel it is safer? What “evidence” are you making real, but you actually don’t even know what the outcome will be because you haven’t tried, it was just made up in your beautiful mind?
The first step to programming the subconscious mind is to simply just stop to question it. Am I really in danger, or is this false evidence appearing real? Can I be afraid of this and still do it? YES! In fact, the more you challenge your fears, the more you teach your brain that you don’t have to run for the hills.
The moment you stop and question it, you instantly turn on another wonderful part of your brain, which is your analytical brain – the part that can see things for what they truly are.
If you haven’t been being and doing the things you want because you don’t feel deserving, or you don’t want to be judged, or you believe you will fail, you may be aligning your decisions with fear. Unless you are in real danger, where you need the fear response to help you fight or flight, this is a good sign that your limiting beliefs are running the show.
Let’s take it to our journals.
Sometimes we don’t know what we are even doing because we just go about our life in a habitual way.
Where have I been making false evidence appear real?
If I weren’t afraid I would…