In 1999 I had my very first rock bottom. Little did I know that this breakdown would become my blessing, my breakthrough, and one of the most important moments in my life.
I consider it the worst and best day of my life. It was the absolute worst day because I felt so much pain, hopelessness and became terrified when I had the thought that I no longer wanted to live – what if I just don’t leave this floor? It was the absolute best day because it began my spiritual journey to becoming dubbed the contagiously positive girl. It became the moment where I had this glimmer of light shine through that I was worthy of so much more. It was the day that shook me to my core so strongly that I knew I wasn’t going to continue on the path of darkness any longer. It was the day I chose to get up off the floor and live, love and enjoy life.
I often get asked how my story began, and most people are shocked at the woman I used to be and how unhappy, anxiety filled, and negative I was. So even though it felt like a breakdown, it was definitely more of a breakthrough. I would get to do the work I do today without it.
Something I had to do over and over again since that day is be willing to fail, to be wrong, and to travel a road less travelled, even though it seemed scary. Something I also had to do was challenge my beliefs and work on believing I was worthy. Believing that I could be, do and have whatever I desire. Believing that I could heal. Believing that I could forgive. Believing that the darkness didn’t need to be feared because there is always light. Believing that happiness could be a permanent default if I believed it to be so. Believing that I didn’t need to search for light…I (YOU) are the light.
To live a creative life, a joyful life, a happy life, a fulfilling life, a prosperous life, we must be willing to do the inner work, not just with our thoughts, but our beliefs. We have to be willing to risk not knowing how it can happen, while we take baby steps towards learning and growing and evolving. We have to be willing to accept that darkness and light are one – two contrasts that are a part of the journey.
This concept is for everything we do….
If it is a new job that you want, but you are afraid of failing, you have to be willing to accept that you might feel like you are bad at that job as you learn the ropes.
If it is a new relationship you are seeking, you must be willing to fumble around while you get to know each other, or possibly be wrong that it turns out he or she is not the one.
If it is a creative venture you want to take, you have to accept that you will have days where you don’t feel creative.
Resistance to the thing we want doesn’t mean we are wrong, or that we should give up, it is just a natural part of being a human being and it requires being resilient and trusting and faithful. Without this willingness, we give up. We are so afraid of failing, of being wrong, of looking bad, of being judged, of experiencing any negative emotion that we give up. And giving up makes our soul cry out for nourishment and when we don’t nourish our soul, we have a breakdown. It it our souls way of saying, wake up, I need you, I’m hungry, I need more.
If you are at a breakdown moment, or you just feel like you want to do something different, knowing that you just can’t stay on the path you are on anymore, consider this your breakthrough, your wake-up call. Your soul telling you that it is time for a shake-up. Your soul telling you that it wants, desires, needs something else. Your soul telling you not to be afraid of being wrong because every “wrong” step takes you straight to where you want to be, or rather need to be.
If you are feeling like an area of your life is calling you to wake up, sit in a quiet place and think about what is calling to you to UNLEASH.
What is it trying to tell you?
What is your inner guide telling you it wants?
Don’t listen to the doubts that might come up in your mind, just listen to your gut and write it out.
Your health breakdown might be telling you that you need to shake-up the way you nourish your body, or to slow down.
Your relationship breakdown might be telling you that you are not getting (or even giving) what you need from and to the relationship.
Your emotional breakdown might be telling you that you have taken up permanent residence in Negative-Ville, in the darkness and it is now time to step towards the light and take that much needed road trip back to Happy Land.
Next, write down this question:
I am willing to change, what do I need?
Free write in your journal all the messages that come through. Don’t filter or question what is coming through, just write until you cannot write anymore.
Do you have to reach out and ask for help? If yes, pick up the phone right now and take action. Ask for help.
Do you need a coach, doctor, therapist, date with friend, a conversation with your partner, more meditation, exercise, dietary change, stop spending beyond your means?
Whatever comes through, trust that inner guidance.
For me, my 1999 breakdown (breakthrough) was telling me to get up and get my shit together. Stop being negative, stop thinking and believing that I was not good enough, smart enough or just enough, and stop letting life happen to me and start living life so it happens for me.
I have had other moments like this over the past 20 years; some with my career, my relationships, my health, even my finances. But this was my most critical because it helped me believe that I could be, do and have whatever I desire, I just had to begin at the beginning with a willingness to not know how. I talk about this in detail in my course UNLEASH. If you want to go through the spiritual journey that I have been on since 1999, I encourage you to take this beautiful course of inner awakening.
I encourage you to express what you are feeling to someone – even if you can’t fully explain it or put words to it. Because I promise you, the moment you hand it over to someone else and say, “I need help with this” you will be supported. That support turns into a breakthrough and that breakthrough turns into a blessing.
Laurie-ann Sheldrick, The Contagiously Positive Girl